Exiled
by LeftyGeek
Summary: There are some wounds that even spirit can't heal. Rose is no longer a Strigoi, but takes refuge in her prison cell and pushes everyone away. In his quest to save her, Dimitri has lost everything. Now he's made the difficult decision to go home to Russia. With all odds against them, will Rose and Dimitri ever be together again? *SEQUEL to Saving Roza* Rose's POV/Dimitri's POV
1. Chapter 1

**EXILED**

_**A/N: This is the sequel to my story Saving Roza. I highly recommend that you read that story first so that this one makes more sense! It is a twist on the ending of Shadow Kiss where Rose gets turned into a Strigoi instead of Dimitri. **_

Chapter 1

[ROSE]

"Get your goddamned hands off me!" I struggled against two sets of arms belonging to two guardians. But there was no use. I no longer had enough strength to fight them—physical or otherwise. They hauled me out of my prison cell, across the court, to the medical building where I would have my daily re-evaluation.

This had been my daily routine for the past two weeks. I didn't mind the prison part. Locked up, at least, I couldn't hurt anyone I cared about. I'd done enough of that already. I had done things that were unforgivable; things that a lifetime in prison couldn't make up for. I had killed—violently. I had tortured countless people, including my best friend. For that, even death wouldn't be a cruel enough fate. So, yes, I deserved prison. But what I could not deal with were my daily medical appointments.

While heavily guarded, I was poked, prodded, scanned and examined by Moroi doctors who tried to figure out what I was, and what had happened to me. The answer to this 'great mystery' was a simple one—except that most people didn't believe it.

See, I was born a dhampir—a half-vampire—and existed that way for nearly eighteen years. However, a little over a month ago, I didn't survive an attack on my school, St. Vladimir's Academy. I was captured by evil, undead vampires called Strigoi, and they turned me into one of them. I drank the blood of humans. I killed some of them, and turned others of them into Strigoi too. I would have lived forever that way—not that you can call it living—unless someone destroyed me.

My ex-mentor and ex-love interest Dimitri Belikov had tried to do just that. We had had a discussion a long time ago where we both said that we would rather be dead than exist as Strigoi. He took that very seriously, and hunted me down to kill me. He nearly succeeded too. But that's where Lissa came in. Vasilisa Dragomir is a Moroi princess. Moroi are good, living vampires who only drink enough blood from willing donators to sustain themselves. Lissa is the only living member of her royal family, and she has amazing magical powers because she is a spirit user. All Moroi can use magic in some form, but they always specialize in a specific area. Lissa's spirit powers include some very cool things, such as being able to heal and bring people back from the dead.

Lissa was my best friend, which is why she brought me back. Twice. The first time was when we were in a car accident that killed the rest of her family. After that, we had a psychic bond. I was shadow-kissed, which meant that I could tell what was going on in Lissa's head, and even see through her eyes if I concentrated on it. I could also absorb the darkness from her aura that would form whenever she used her spirit magic.

When I was turned into a Strigoi, the bond didn't break. Instead, it morphed into something pernicious for Lissa, because, instead of taking her darkness away from her, I was able to steal the powers of spirit away from her. And to replace it, I had forced my own dark energy into her, leaving her weakened and ill. It was every bit as horrible as it sounded. If it had continued much longer, I believe she would have died. I deserved worse than prison. I deserved worse than death.

Yet Lissa had saved me yet again. I had captured her, along with her boyfriend, Christian Ozera, and another spirit-using friend of theirs, Adrian Ivashkov. I was holding them hostage to lure Dimitri to me. I was planning to turn Dimitri into a Strigoi so that we could be together. We fought, and at the last minute, Dimitri had defeated me. I had died—again—but Lissa jumped in and healed me. When she did, I became a dhampir again, although I was far from my old self.

Today, at my evaluation, I was having blood drawn. Again. What was it with vampires and blood, anyway? As I watched the tubes fill up with crimson liquid, nausea made me feel light-headed. How much of that had I drunk as a Strigoi? I wanted to throw up. Since I hadn't been eating, I had to be given a sack of IV fluids as well. For being so convinced that I belonged to the evil undead, these people sure were hell-bent on keeping me alive. I couldn't eat since I'd been restored. Everyone took it as a sign that I wasn't myself. But honestly, I'd like to see how much any of them would eat if they opened their mouth to bite into a cheeseburger and had flashbacks of chomping into someone's neck. Every single time. I shuddered at the thought.

Finally, a doctor showed up—one I hadn't seen before. His examination was brief. He shined some ungodly bright lights in my eyes, made some notes on a clipboard, and told the nurses that I was free to go.

The 'free to go' part soon became ironic, as guardians took ahold of my arms on either side to escort me back to my prison cell. I didn't resist them this time. I was heading back to safety, where I couldn't accidentally hurt anyone.

As I was dragged across court, sunlight was just starting to appear in the sky, marking the end of the Moroi day. Glancing to my right, I saw two people walking. They were on a different stretch of sidewalk than I was, but they were coming in my direction.

One was tall—so tall that I couldn't mistake him for anyone else. Not that I wouldn't recognize him anywhere. My heart skipped a beat. Dimitri. He was far enough away that I couldn't see the details of his face. The other person with him was female, small and slender with dark hair. Tasha. It had to be Tasha. I felt anger well up inside of me. It must've translated to physical action, because I felt both guardians tighten their grips on me in unison.

I knew I had no right to be upset with Dimitri. He'd shown up three different times to try to see me, and each time I had screamed at him to go away. I didn't love him anymore. I _couldn't_ love him. The way I'd treated him as a Strigoi—that wasn't love. That was unforgivable cruelty. And he deserved so much better. I just hoped that _better_ didn't end up being Tasha Ozera.

We continued walking as Dimitri and Tasha did. We grew closer to them, but we'd be out of their paths before they reached us. I realized that I'd been staring, and I tore my eyes away from them. But I looked back. When I did, I felt Dimitri's eyes on me. I didn't want him to look at me! How dare he look at me! But for a second our gazes locked. They were close enough now that I could make out their faces. Tasha was talking, oblivious. Dimitri, I could tell, had stopped listening. His eyes followed me, his expression blank. But I knew there was pain under that mask—pain that I had inflicted.

A second later, we moved farther along, and I he was no longer within my eyesight. I immediately felt myself go numb. It was the reaction I'd grown to have to him since I'd been restored—like an automatic safety net, to save myself from feeling any more pain.

Shortly thereafter, I was deposited back into my cell. Home sweet home. I stretched out on my sparse bed. It was too late for anyone to visit me anymore today, for which I was grateful. My old friends liked to turn up and try to talk to me sometimes. I was frustrated that they would expose themselves to such danger. I usually scared them off with my shouting. It wasn't doing much to clear my name, but it kept them off my back. Sometimes.

I rarely ever slept. I struggled to even fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the faces of the ones I had murdered—the Strigoi I had created. When I actually did sink into sleep, I had nightmares. They were mostly memories of the inexcusable things I had done. I would wake, sweating and shaking, wishing that Lissa would have just let me die.

In the old days, I would've slipped into Lissa's mind to distract myself in order to fall asleep. But now, I barely ever did so. The bond had harmed her so much when I'd been a Strigoi. Who was to say that it couldn't still hurt her now? I wasn't taking that risk. I'd only check in, ever so briefly, once in a while, to make sure she was safe.

However, I hadn't really slept in about three days, so sleep found me relatively quickly that night. And I instantly felt myself being pulled into a dream. Not a nightmare—but a spirit dream.

We were in a beautiful field full of flowers. The sun's rays fell brightly from overhead. And there was Adrian before me, just the same as ever, green eyes shining, lips curved into a smile. I think he was trying to overcompensate by making everything so bright and happy looking. It was a little disgusting.

"Hi, little dhampir," he greeted me the same as usual.

"Or am I?" I commented sarcastically.

"Of course you are," he replied. "People are just being paranoid and ridiculous. They'll come around soon enough."

"_I_ don't even know what I am anymore." There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"Your aura looks just like normal again," Adrian offered, hoping that would make me feel better. I shook my head.

"Why are you here, Adrian?" I asked, feeling irritated.

"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're a little difficult to talk to you when you're awake." I recalled how I'd ripped off my shoe and flung it at him the last time he'd come to visit. "Plus, I know you're having trouble sleeping. I thought that if you were here, at least you wouldn't be having nightmares." Well, that was nice of him I guessed.

"Thanks," I said tentatively, after a moment. We stood in silence. Something about Adrian had changed. I couldn't quite place it. But something was off. Of course, I was different too. No wonder he wasn't still acting ridiculously attracted to me. I was glad of that for a number of reasons.

"I think you should talk to Belikov," Adrian said hesitantly, after a moment. I shook my head.

"Adrian, there's no way to fix this."

"Rose, you haven't even tried."

"Because I don't want to hurt any of you more than I already have."

"But you are hurting everyone more. Rose, when you were restored they were all so excited. They couldn't wait to have you back. And now. Well, you don't have to see the look in Lissa's eyes every day after she leaves from her visit with you. You don't have to see her cry."

"I almost killed her, Adrian."

"You're killing her now."

"I'm protecting her. I'm protecting all of you."

"From what, Rose?"

"From me." My voice broke. "Please, just let me out of here."

"No, don't start that again. You can't run away forever."

"Why not?" I snapped. "Besides, it's obvious that Dimitri's already moved on. I saw him chatting it up with Tasha Ozera earlier. And since when do you encourage me to talk to Dimitri, anyway?"

"A lot of things have changed, Rose. Maybe you would know that if you ever made any sort of effort to get out of your jail cell." He raised his voice slightly and I could tell he was trying to hold back from getting angry. "And Dimitri isn't interested in Tasha. Believe me. If there's one thing that I learned while you were… gone… it's that that man loves you more than life itself. He gave up everything, Rose. Literally everything. He has no job, no place to live, they took away his guardianship…"

"Stop!" I demanded.

"You need to face reality, Rose. You're being selfish."

"How am I selfish? I'm staying out of everyone's way and that's selfish?"

"We miss you! Lissa risked her life to save you. She would have done anything if there was even the slightest chance that it might bring you back. And you repay her by treating her like shit?" Adrian was yelling now. I couldn't take this.

"And I never asked to be saved!" I screamed. "She should have let me die!" I wanted to escape this dream, but apparently Adrian wanted out just as badly. I saw his green eyes glaring at me as they dissolved away. He was beyond pissed. So was I. Everyone couldn't just sit around and act like the last two months had never happened. I'd spent that time hunting them—trying to kill them, or awaken them. And now they all wanted me around 24/7? They were dumber than I'd ever expected any of them to be. Keeping them protected was going to be hard work.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm so happy to see everyone's excitement for this sequel! You guys are awesome! **** Just so you don't get confused, the sequel actually picks up a little bit before the epilogue of Saving Roza. There are some things I wanted to tell in Rose's POV that made more sense to put at the beginning of this story rather than at the end of the other one. We're back to Dimitri in this chapter though. He hasn't left for Russia yet, but he'll be on his way soon. Please read and review! **

**An additional note: (I know, I know, I'm rambling… sorry…) My apologies if I don't get this story updated as often as I usually did with Saving Roza. Life has been a little crazy. My closest friend (our friendship reminds me of Lissa and Rose's) is currently hospitalized for chronic illness and it's been difficult for me. Also, I have work and my summer chemistry lecture/lab starts in a week (oh boy!) so I'm going to be pretty busy for the next month or so! But I promise I'll keep working on the story. It just might take me a little longer than usual. Thanks for your patience, guys! **

[DIMITRI]

I've never been certain whether or not I believed in fate, but lately it felt like my life was someone's cruel joke. Rose was a dhampir again, yet ironically enough, she wanted nothing to do with me. For leaving my assignment to hunt her down when she'd been a Strigoi, I had lost my career. I guess the silver lining was that I wasn't in jail. I had Adrian to thank for getting the charges dropped. Hell, I had Adrian to thank for even being alive—not that I was entirely sure I was thankful for that right at the moment.

Life without Roza was a slow and agonizing death—like I was drowning, and the surface of the water was right above my reach, but I just couldn't break through it. Meanwhile my lungs were filling with water and my muscles were slowly giving up their will to keep fighting. Every time I saw her—alive again, and yet unwilling to accept my love and unwilling to love me back—another piece of my soul died. In my life, I had known plenty of pain. But nothing had ever hurt as badly as this.

I had to give Adrian and Lissa credit. They had helped me a lot. Adrian had convinced Queen Tatiana to get me released from jail. With Lissa's help, she had even agreed to allow me to live at the court. Eventually, I had the potential of getting some type of office job. It was a gracious offer, considering what I had done. It is worth mentioning, that I have always found Queen Tatiana to be a fair leader. But the news that a Strigoi had allegedly been turned back into a dhampir using spirit spread through the Moroi world like wildfire, and gradually, so did the details of the event. And since I had technically abandoned the Dragomir princess, the public didn't have a high opinion of me. Neither did a lot of my colleagues.

This was precisely why I spent the majority of my time in my small apartment in court housing. I lived in the area where a lot of lower level staff lived, such as cleaning staff and groundskeepers. It suited me just fine. I went unnoticed most of the time, which is what I preferred. Lissa, however, made a point of visiting me nearly every day.

Lissa had been staying at the court ever since the attack. She had been granted special privileges by the queen to take a little time to relax and recover before going back to St. Vladimir's. Of course it helped that Lissa, ever the diligent academic, had already gotten completely caught up with all of her school assignments. Christian, however, had not been granted the same permission. He'd been able to stay for a few days, but had just recently been sent back to the academy. Lissa was torn, because she didn't want to leave Rose knowing the state she was in. However, she also desperately missed Christian. Her time at the court was running out anyway. Soon she would have to return to school so that she'd be able to graduate.

Her visits with me were all similar. She'd tell me how she just couldn't understand Rose's behavior, but she was sure that if we gave her a little more time, she'd come around. I wished I shared in her optimism, but I couldn't bring myself to get my hopes up. I knew how stubborn Rose could be. She wasn't going to cave easily—especially not after everything she'd been through.

"Maybe you should try visiting her again, Dimitri," Lissa suggested to me one afternoon while she was sitting on my sofa. I had already tried to see Rose twice, and all she'd done was scream at me until I was forced by guardians to leave.

"I don't think it will make any difference, Lissa," I replied, sadly.

"You never know," she answered brightly. "It could. I think she just needs a little time to readjust. I go and see her every day. Sometimes she'll let me sit with her. But she still won't say anything."

"Maybe I just don't belong in her life anymore," I said.

"Dimitri, don't think that," Lissa scolded. "Rose loves you. I'm sure of it."

"You didn't even know it before she was a Strigoi and you're her best friend," I pointed out. "Maybe she never did love me as much as I thought she did." Even as I spoke those words, I knew in my heart they weren't true. But I was frustrated.

"I just want both of you to be happy." Lissa sighed deeply. "And Queen Tatiana is only letting me stay until Wednesday. That's the absolute latest. Then she insists that I have to go back to school."

"Is Adrian going too?" I asked. Adrian had also been hanging around the court. But since he wasn't technically a student at St. Vladimir's, it was hard to tell what he would do.

"I think he is," said Lissa. "But I'm not completely sure. He's been acting a little different lately. Have you noticed?" I hadn't. The actions of Adrian Ivashkov weren't exactly high on my priority list.

"Not really," I replied. "What's been going on?"

"I'm not entirely sure," answered Lissa. "He seems a little distant, like he's caught up on something. I'm just not sure what it is. And he's been having trouble with spirit. But I think he's been drinking more than usual."

"Well, that's not good. Do you think it could be because of Rose?" I asked.

"I thought that too, at first. But I think it's something different. He was really drunk the other day and he was going off on some rant about how lilies were better flowers than roses. Maybe it was nothing. Who knows?" I shrugged.

"It's hard to tell with him." Lissa nodded in agreement.

"Lissa, I want to tell you something." I needed to get it off my chest.

"What is it?"

"I think I'm leaving the court."

"Are you coming back to St. Vladimir's?" she asked. There was a hint of excitement in her voice and I felt a pang of guilt. I knew how badly she wished that Rose and I could be her guardians.

"I don't think they'd allow me to come back to St. Vladimir's," I said, forcing a smile that I knew looked hollow. "No, Lissa, I am going to go home. To Russia."

"What?" Lissa's shrill voice cut through the air. She paused for a moment. "No. Dimitri, you can't. I have to leave Rose. You can't leave her too!"

"Lissa, she doesn't want me here. At least not right now. I think maybe some space would be the best thing for her. I haven't been home to see my family in a really long time. Besides, there's not much left for me here. I can't be a guardian anymore, and my reputation is not exactly great. And who knows, I might come back someday." That was a blatant lie. I had no intention of ever coming back. When I left, I never wanted to have to see Rose's face again. It was too painful. Lissa's face twisted in a frown.

"I hate to see you go. Maybe things will eventually get better. You can't give up, Dimitri." She really was the most optimistic person I knew.

"I'm not giving up," I said, keeping my expression blank. More lies. "I'm just moving on. It wouldn't be smart for me to stick around here dwelling on the past."

"Well, will you please just go see her one more time before you go?" Lissa asked. I could see the desperation in her eyes. Plus, I couldn't imagine leaving Rose forever without seeing her one last time.

"Okay, I will," I agreed finally.

"When are you leaving?" Lissa asked. I honestly had no idea yet.

"I'm leaving Wednesday, too," I lied. If I could get a flight that day, I would leave then. Since it was only Saturday, that gave me a few days.

"Okay. Just please, see her first."

"I will," I agreed. After Lissa left, I booked a flight for Wednesday evening. Despite the generosity of the few friends I had left, I couldn't stay and put myself through the pain. I had to get away from it all, once and for all. And what better place to do that than on the other side of the world?

In keeping my promise to Lissa, I decided to see Rose on Monday. As I walked to the cell where they were holding her, the weight of my decision fell on me. This would really, truly be goodbye. This was the very last time I would ever set eyes on Rosemarie Hathway, the love of my life. I drew in a deep breath and entered the building that housed her cell.

I told the guardians on duty that I was there to see Rose, and they allowed me through. Outside of her cell, I stood and watched her. She faced the opposite direction, so all I could see was the back of her head. Her gorgeous brown hair was tied up, making her molnija marks visible. Oh, _Roza, why can't you remember what side of this fight you're really on?_ I thought desperately.

"I know you're there." When she spoke, it startled me.

"Roza, I just wanted to—"

"Don't talk to me." Her tone was harsh, but she didn't raise her voice.

"Okay, I won't talk." I agreed. I continued standing there, outside her cell, in silence. After a moment, she spoke again.

"Why won't you just go away?"

"Because I wanted to see you." When she turned to face me, her expression was cold.

"There. You see me. Now go."

"I can't." I replied. I couldn't. Staring into her face, I couldn't imagine never seeing her again. She glared at me for a moment longer. I studied her features, trying to memorize every detail; the depth of her brown eyes, the glow of her milky almond skin, the way her eyebrows crinkled when she was irritated—like right now, the fullness of her soft, red lips, the shape of her tiny nose, and the way there always seemed to be a stray strand of hair that would come loose from her ponytail and fall into her eyes. Even angry and locked up in a jail cell, she was easily the most beautiful sight I'd ever laid eyes on. I hated seeing her this way. But I also knew that nothing would change until she decided to change. And that didn't seem to be happening.

"I hate you!" she spat at me, when she realized I was just going to continue to stare at her. I hid the pain from my face, but those words cut me like a thousand knives. I just stared at her, silently. "I hate you, Dimitri Belikov. I don't want to see you again. Ever." Swallowing, I looked into those eyes one last time, committing them to memory.

"Well, that's good Roza. Because you won't have to." I got the words out before my voice cracked. And without getting a good look at her face, I turned abruptly and left.

I held in the tears until I got back to my apartment. Then, they fell and fell.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: Another chapter for you! **** I'm sorry this one's a little short, but I hope you like it. It's been a busy few days. I am hoping to have another one done for tomorrow. Anyways, hope you enjoy. And thank you for all the reviews so far! You guys make me smile! **

[ROSE]

Even though I wasn't sleeping well at night, I hated Lissa's ability to be awake and functional at an ungodly hour of the morning. That, coupled with her chronic cheeriness, was enough to drive a normal person insane. Not to mention someone who was locked up because they used to be a Strigoi.

I couldn't help but notice through the bond—even though I tried hard to ignore it—that Lissa wasn't nearly as happy as she acted. Not only was she missing me, but she was feeling incredibly sad for Dimitri, and now since Christian had left she was missing him, too. But at least she wasn't ill anymore. At least I wasn't draining her spirit and killing her. And I intended to keep it that way.

It was a challenge though, when the girl wouldn't leave me alone. I could scream at Dimitri and get him to leave—that happened easily enough. I wasn't proud of it. But it was easier to keep burying all those feelings rather than allowing them to resurface. Plus, I knew that whatever pain I was causing Dimitri was the lesser of two evils. No matter how hurt Dimitri was, I knew that he'd be able to defend himself. Lissa, on the other hand, was more complicated. Lissa _needed_ me.

Lissa couldn't defend herself in an attack. Hell, she probably couldn't even get out of the way fast enough to survive one. Now that I had been a Strigoi, I truly _knew_ how they thought—how they acted—and how much they would _love_ to finish off the Dragomir bloodline. Not to mention the fact that Lissa still needed me to take the darkness away from her.

I hadn't done it yet. I was too afraid something would go wrong. But I was going to have to do it soon. She'd already been weak, and she had used a _ton_ of spirit to bring me back. Plus, she was going through emotional turmoil, which didn't help matters at all. I wondered at what point the benefit would outweigh the risk.

I was unsurprised when Lissa turned up the morning after my spirit dream with Adrian.

"Morning, Rose," she said brightly, with that proper smile of hers that concealed her fangs. From my bed where I was lying, I groaned audibly, covering my face with my arm. It was such a typical interaction for us that for the briefest second I almost forgot the circumstances.

Unlike with Dimitri—or anyone else—the guards allowed Lissa into my cell with me. I wasn't quite sure why. I sure as hell hadn't been consulted about it, or I'd have told them to keep everyone away. Period. Clearly, no one cared what I thought. I was too exhausted to protest Lissa's entrance today. Besides, I'd tried about a dozen times before to no avail, so why would this time be any different? And I sure as hell wasn't going to attack her to get my point across. And so she stayed, settling herself cross-legged on the floor in front of my bed.

She was fully aware how much she was irritating me. And she took satisfaction in the fact that I could do nothing about it. With a smug smirk, she continued talking.

"So, I was thinking, Rose, that when you come back to the academy—"

"What? I'm _not_ going back to the academy!" There was no way in hell I was going back to St. Vladimir's. Not ever. Lissa ignored me.

"I was thinking, I'd start pushing for you to be my guardian again. Kirova wants you to come back, you know. She believes you're you again."

"I don't even believe I'm me again!" I snapped. "I'm glad you all think you know me so well. What makes you think I want to be your guardian, anyway?" I knew that was mean. Okay, really mean. But how could I protect someone if I was the danger? Surprisingly, her comeback had some venom as well.

"You might not have any other options, seeing as no one else wants you as a guardian anymore." Under normal circumstances, I would have been proud of Lissa for saying something impolite. But right now, that was beside the point.

"Of course they don't want me as a guardian—because they're_ smart_! Lissa, I might still be dangerous."

"Are you saying I'm _stupid_?" Now she sounded insulted.

"Well I'm not saying you aren't!" I retorted. She huffed and was silent for a moment. When she spoke again, her anger showed through.

"You know what, Rose? You're being ridiculous. Everyone thinks you're fine now. Everyone believes you're not a Strigoi. You walk out in the sun every day, for god's sake! The only reason you're even still locked in here is because of your attitude. You have so many people who care about you. But you want nothing to do with any of us. You're selfish."

"You guys are the selfish ones!" I roared. "You expect me to just return to normal overnight because you 'magically' healed me? Well, let me tell you something, Lissa. You don't know what I've been through! You don't know what it feels like to relive those memories all the time! And you don't _fucking_ know what it's like to have to live with yourself after you tried to _murder_ your _closest friends_!"

"Rose, we forgive you," Lissa said timidly.

"_I_ don't forgive me!" Silence fell over us. I saw a collection of guardians peering into my cell from outside, alerted by the commotion. "Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I snapped at them. I refocused my attention on Lissa, who still looked more angry than frightened.

"Think of Dimitri," she said, calmly. "Rose, do you realize all that he went through to try to find you?"

"Do you realize how much I put him through?" I countered.

"He would have done it anyway, Rose. He loves you!" I knew it was true. All of it. But we weren't going there.

"Yeah, Lissa. And he would have succeeded at killing me—like he planned to—if you hadn't intervened!"

"Are you saying I should have let you die?"

"Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying." This time I could see the hurt shining in Lissa's eyes. But I wasn't sorry. It was the truth. I desperately wished I was dead.

"You don't mean that," she said quietly. "You wouldn't leave me all alone." The guilt I felt was gut-wrenching. Lissa was so alone that she had to save me, even though I had been trying to murder her. But I wasn't the kind of best friend she needed anymore. She deserved much better. I didn't know what to say. Finally, it was Lissa who spoke.

"He's leaving, you know."

"Who?" I asked. I had a feeling I already knew.

"Dimitri." Yep.

"Where's he going?"

"Home to Russia." What? Dimitri was _really_ going home? Halfway around the world? I tried to hide the shock on my face, but I knew Lissa saw through it.

"Good," I replied. "He'll be with his family." But I knew he'd rather be with me.

"He's only leaving because you won't even talk to him."

"There's nothing left to say."

"Rose, I know you. I know you still love him."

"I _can't_ love him."

"Rose!"

"He's better off without me."

"But why can't you just-?"

"You're not going to change my mind," I interjected. "I have to stay away from him."

"Fine then," sighed Lissa. "I'm going. I will see you later."

"Wait," I said, unable to stop myself. "When is Dimitri leaving?"

"Tomorrow." Tomorrow? He really was going then. His plans were definite.

Lissa left, and I was alone with my thoughts. Dimitri was going to Russia. I should have been happy. He would be so far away that I wouldn't have any chance of harming him. In fact, I probably wouldn't even see him again. Ever. That was even better—even safer. So then why did I feel so sad?

_Because_, said a voice in my head, _you still love him_. I told that voice to shut up and quit lying. I didn't love him. I didn't. I was glad he was going. Good riddance.

When I realized that tears were falling down my cheeks, I wondered when they had started.


End file.
